TraumaticLoafer's Xanga

bye bye...maybe.

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 20:54:32 GMT

So I decided to try out livejournal. Just wanted a change and since I'm lazy that's where I am.

Peace.

http://traumaticloafer.livejournal.com/

Friday, June 06, 2008

Fri, 06 Jun 2008 04:34:47 GMT

Well...not much has really happened so far. I saw a few movies went to El Bandido's, ( which was a lot worse than i remembered...and i usually love mexican food), and I've basically just chilled out. I'm feeling kind of guilty not doing anything though. Especially when things are so weird. But I'm not gonna stress myself out over that, that's what summer sessions are for. I was so excited too, cause i had an urge to add to my Sims, maybe purchase an expansion pack, and then I remembered that my computer sucks, and would never be able to handle it....dangggg.

An interesting thing happened today though. A friend of mine at school had invited me to an informational for her asian-interest sorority last semester, and I remember being a lil surprised and kinda honored lol-mostly because I thought it was an asian sorority. And I'm definitely not asian, but it turns out that its actually and "asian interest" multicultural organization. So she invited me to this group on Facebook for the fall rush and interests, and I've been contemplating whether or not I should join. It's not like I'm commiting or anything, but i still feel a lil weird about it. Maybe if i had more friends in the org it wouldn't feel so weird and I wouldn't feel so---out of place? but yeah...we'll see. Maybe I'll just go to the informational to support and find out more. It's weird though because I think part of my hangup is thinking that I'm gonna be the only black person in a groupwith a bunch of Asians lol (which is the case) but I was pretty much like that with white people for most of my life lol...i think i was spoiled with all the non-ghetto people in Albany...but I'll just have to see.

...

Tue, 20 May 2008 17:39:25 GMT

Today started off as an ok day. I was able to pry myself out of bed before 2 o'clock so I could finally deposit my paycheck, then me n my mom went to breakfast. But then we come home and my brothers sitting in the living room with some foreclosure papers that someone dropped off. I just wish this whole thing would be over with so we can get on with living our lives. And I wish my mom would stop griping about how my dad was supposed to do this and that, because you can't change the past...and her not doing anything for herself because she's waiting for HIM is just digging a deeper hole. Sometimes I wish she would just forget about all the stuff here and just go somewhere where she could start over, because she clings to everything here, even if it hurts her and keeps her from progressing. I dunno what's really going on but I do know that i probably won't be living here in the next couple months. Maybe its a good thing that I got that full year license for the apartment at school....

Otherwise, I got my grades today. Which were STUPENDOUS!!!! I went up from last semester, which I really didn't think was possible lol...I got a 3.93. Which was awesome after all the stress I went through in the last few weeks of school...I was at the point where I was sitting in front of my computer trying to write an essay and just crying because I was sooooo exhaustedddd. But it was worth it. >_< lol. But what bugs me is that I still haven't broken 3.5 on my cumulative....because I was a slacker my first year, I'm at like 3.48. What kind of junk is that? I guess that just means that I'm going to have to work hard again next year...darn...lol no I like school, well- I like having the opportunity to learn new things, like where else would i be able to learn Japanese?

Almost doneeee

Thu, 08 May 2008 19:31:02 GMT

I should be studying for my Japanese Culture and History test tomorrow. I've barely even looked at any of the material...yet have absolutely no inclination to work. I just finished a 16 page monster of a paper so I guess i'm feeling pretty much done. Also- I think the fact that the test is open book/open note is messing with my mind...Bah.

But I am super excited because as a result of me finishing my paper early (go me >_<) I get to go home on saturdayyyy. So excited. But a little sad too. Even though I'm supposed to come up here for the summer...which I'm not too happy about anymore... We'll see how that goes. Now that I think about it- writing on here is just another method of procrastination...

Oh man I had thought of the perfect mother's day gift for my mom, Broadway tickets!! And I was so excited...obviously cause I would be going with her lol...and then I realized that if I paid for everything it would come up to a little over 400 dollars...and please- I am NOT that rich. If it was 200- maybe...but no, 400...thats just depressing...no wonder they say that the theater is an "upper-class" form of entertainment. Sheesh.

Life just gets weirder and weirder

Thu, 01 May 2008 20:52:23 GMT

Hmmm. So I've been really busy lately, even though I don't really have that many commitments, but I guess trying to fit a job into my schedule has proved to be harder than I originally thought.

I'm kinda mad, b/c Dell has once again disappointed me. My "adaptor" or charger for my computer is basically defunct. It's frayed and I've been having a really hard time keeping my computer charged. Not to mention that this couldn't have happened at a WORSE time, since I have 3 final essays due in less than 2 weeks.... and I don't wanna spend 70 more dollars on another cord when this computer sucks anyways. Apparently this happens to alot of Dells though. Psh.

But school does end in a few weeks, im kind of excited about that. Kind of. Life is too complicated. I wish I could just be like when i was in grade school and was like "yay! Summer!"

Something weird did happen to me today though. Well- I thought something weird today. I was with a couple of girls, and its important that i mention that they were white, So we were outside, and we saw a bunch of black frats and sororities walking....or strolling or whatever I don't know enough about greek culture to say...But today is "Tradition Day" and I'm not so sure what that's about either, but it has something to do with the national pan-hellenic council (black frat n sororities) and they stroll n stuff on campus. I dunno its an event. So I guess they were getting ready for that, and alot of them are back in the uniforms they wore while pledging even though they've crossed. And so they were "walking" (In the way they're supposed to while they're pledging) and the girls I'm with are basically making fun of them, but its not just making fun of them, its making fun of the whole thing, the whole organizations n stuff. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a Greek lover or whatever, I don't really even know that many people who are in Greeks, but at the same time I respect it. I respect the fact that these people want to become part of something bigger than them, I respect the fact that I may not understand it or know anything about it. And also, It has a deep history within the African American community, so because of that I "respect" it. But these girls were so irritating, and it made me mad because I was with people who could be so ignorant.
For so long I've tried to be the type of person who identify themselves as "Black" or "Oreo" or whatever, because I don't want certain stigma's put on me. I try to have friends in all types of ethnic groups, because I think its important to celebrate diversity, but when stuff like this happens, I feel myself getting kind of disgusted. I dunno, maybe its because I'm taking all these African American theory classes, or I'm getting hyper sensitive, or maybe I'm just a little more mature...but I'm starting to see stuff, especially in the white community- that i really don't like. And it bothers me even more because its not just with random people, it's with people who are supposed to be my "friends," and I feel like I'm doing a huge disservice not only to black people but to myself if I just stand there and allow them to talk like that, especially if I don't agree with it. What kind of person am I if I just step back and allow that kind of stuff to happen.
It's funny too because I had realized last year that most of my friends were black, so tried to make more white friends, but I am definitely turned off right now. And its not right to generalize...but still, I can't help but feel a little wary. But on the other hand, it could just be that most of the white people I meet are all tactless hicks. Not that the black community is any better either, b/c they have their own share of problems that I definitely have issue with (and that would be too much for this entry) but at the same time, I guess I'm just so upset because I'm seeing things that I didn't see before. I don't know.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 12:33:24 GMT

Sooo, this is a three day weekend, and while most of the people I know either went home or are partying it up, I'm sitting in m room, resting- until I have to go to work. It's actually good in a way, because I probably wouldn't have gone home anyway, and being at work keeps me from getting bored in my room, all the while making some money $$$.

Although the people who schedule me are starting to get on my nerves, and although it's supposedly a computer that does it, I'm starting to think that they're trying to get me to work times that I don't want to work. I had told them from the beginning that I couldn't work before 4 and on Thursdays because I have class, yet somehow I got some weird schedule saying that I had to work during the times I said I couldn't. And they were like- "well did you put that yo could work those times on your application?" and I'm like NO, wtf am I stupid? It's not like I haven't been going to class till 3 pm since January???.... And then I took off the 27th two weeks ago, and it even said the request was approved...and for some reason I check today and I'm, scheduled to work from 12pm to 8 pm on that day. Wtf. Honestly, it's annoying to have to keep complaining about it. But I will persevere!

Besides that Life is ok. I had this really weird experience though yesterday, where some dude tried to talk to me, and when he smiled he had this like rotten yellow front tooth....grosssssss...every time I think about it I throw up a bit in my mouth. (I'm not mean, but still, come on...)

Life is Good.

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 21:39:18 GMT

So- recently, Life is good. I'm in such a good mood lol...and although I think most of it has to do with how sunny it is outside, I don't care. Also- I just got my new glasses which are lookin pretty awesome if I do say so myself...they're dark purple, with the wide sides, and I picked them all out without worrying about how much they would cost or if they would match all my clothes, so i love them.

To top it all off my oldest brother gave me a digital camera!!!!! And it's not some beat up 5.0 megapixel thing that he just wants to get rid of lol Its like 7.1 cool lookin thing. ( He couldn't use it b/c he has a problem with his hands shaking and the flash took too long 4 him) So he gave it to me!!!!!! Life is good.

And now that its starting to get warm outside I'm just estatic.

Other than that...I actually have to run n eat. Never mind. lol

Essay 4 Today

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 17:59:42 GMT

I started working at JCPenney on Tuesday. Basically I just filled out information, read stuff, and watched videos for 4 hours. While I was there I was like- ok...and now I realize that there was a bunch of questions i should of asked the lady, but then again I never do think of these things on the spot. It's weird because she scheduled me for more training today, but I don't know what the heck I'm supposed to do when i get there. I think I'm like a stock person or whatever (which suckssssss) and so i have to wear like khakis and this red polo, but the lady forgot to give me one, and i forgot to ask...and I'm wondering if I'm supposed to wear sneakers...hmmm...Bahhh. I'm not even sure if I remember how to sign in and out...

Overall, I guess I'm not too happy with the job, and its only been one day lol, maybe i need to give it a chance...But I have the feeling that when the 30 day trial period is over, I'm gonna take my money and run. I was wondering why the lady who was interviewing me kept asking me "Is this something your interested in?" Like- she kept asking me these weird questions as if I wouldn't want the job. And the whole time I was thinking, why the F is she asking me this? I'm here aren't I? But I think she was trying to do me a favor...lolol...

Other than that, things are all right, I got my 2 test midterms back which were both in the 90's >_< It was kinda funny cause I think I have the tendency to make myself sound dumb, or not as smart as I actually am, (not saying I'm a genius or anything) but I am good at taking tests and essays and overall retaining information...so I think I surprised these other 2 girls in my class when I told them I got a 93 on my midterm and they got 80's. They were so perplexed as to how I got a better grade lol...people just mistake my "laid-backness" for stupidness. Which is just not true I tell you!

Other than that, I've been chillen. Although I think I'm getting sick. I've had this sore throat for days, and I woke up practically unable to swallow...needless to say I've been downing lotsa Theraflu and tea and soup.

I have also realized that when I really need to buy something, like clothing, that it might just be better to go by myself. I painfully realized this fact Wednesday night when I invited this girl with me to the mall, cause I had to get a few things. I ended up getting practically nothing, and wasted 6 hours of my time because of her horrible "advice." I kept picking up a size, and she's like "are you sure you're that size? That looks huge" Obviously I'm sure otherwise I wouldn't have bought it. She must of said that to me 10 times. At times wanted to just tell her to leave, because she just wasted my time. If there's one thing I hate- it's when people try to tell me how I "should" look, or what I should buy. I'm a picky person, especially when it comes to clothes, and I'm sorry if I don't want to walk around looking like a freakin neon peach in a work environment. Why does it seem that everyone in Albany (or most people) are so annoying? Maybe it's just the people I somehow end up with.

I was already kinda mean to this one girl in my class who had gotten me super mad. Well- I wasn't mean- I just ignored her. I didn't feel like associating with her anymore after everything she had done, so I just didn't pay her any attention, and I think she noticed cause I saw her turn to say something a bunch of times and after class, but when she noticed I was completely ignoring her she just turned and left. Which is fine with me. There are only three things I ask, Don't lie, Don't get in my space, and don't mess with my possessions. And she did all three. Not to mention all the other grossness...parent's need to teach some hygiene....

I'm supposed to be napping right now....

My Break is Overrr >:-(

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 02:46:27 GMT

Sooo I go back to school on Monday...and I'm kinda happy to have my independence again- although I'm not gonna lie, it was nice doing nothing for week, even though there was lots of stuff i shoulda been doing lol. But isn't that always the case.

This month is gonna be stuffed with some serious work (like presentations, 3 papers, and finals), and I start at JcPenney too so its gonna be funnn lol. But there's supposed to be a lot of cool events going on at school like Fountain Day (which I'll probably have to miss...booooooooo) and Parkfest, which is sweet cause its gonna be located right near my res hall this year and i heard that its gonna be free. And nothing sounds better than FREE.

I also got a new pair of glasses, or ordered them today. I hadn't been to the eye doctor in like 2 years...(and that's for contacts-even longer for eyeglasses..) so It was kinda cool and I got to pick out a fresh new frame. Although I still don't understand how something so small can be so freakin expensive...but I picked out these snazzy purple-ish pair...which looks kinda retro, with the wide sides n stuff, they're cool ...and i was super excited all day, but now i'm feeling a little nervous cause i kinda feel like i wasted my insurance on a pair of glasses that aren't really practical...hmmm. But oh well...what's done is done.

Other than that things were ok- I did get in another fight with my mom though, because she can't seem to understand why I don't wanna hear "the lord this" and "the lord that" all the time. I mean- I'm the last person who wants to believe that I'm just a product of some big blast or whatever, but at the same time, I'm not gonna live my life waiting for myself to DIE and then live in the "afterlife"...wtfff? ESPECIALLY if I'm not even sure there is one. What the frack kinda logic is that.

Ooooo and one of my favorite shows is returning this friday >_< Battlestar Galactica-I'm so excitedddddd and yes i am a dork.

I Should've Followed my Gut Feeling.

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 16:26:06 GMT

Sooo right now I just waiting until its time for me to go to my class, in which I have a midterm which I am kinda nervous about. I really wanted to study so I could do a good job...but Yesterday just wasn't on my side. I decided to take a break during my studying and go to the movies with this girl, and even though my gut feeling kept telling me i shouldn't go- I was like- nahhh I already said I would etc etc. Like right before I left my room I looked out the window and all of a sudden there was a blizzard. And then this girl from my class called to ask me to study with her. And then I almost missed to bus to the mall b/c my roommate forgot her keys. I just knewww that I wasn't supposed to go lol. And the movie wasn't even that great, and it was even worse cause I was stupid enough to go with this girl who I had found annoying from the beginning...she's way to loud and kind of gross in her mannerisms...she wouldn't stop talking throughout the entire movie and making these stupid effin comments...ugh...and then she forgot to check the bus schedule coming BACK so the next bus wasn't for another hour, and the mall had already closed. So we were just waiting and eventually I got fed up cause I had to come back and study so I paid for the cab for both of us cause she didn't have enough money. Then right when I get back to my room and start to study- I hear all this commotion in the common room, and my "new" suitemate decides to through a lil party! WTFFFFFFFFFFFF????? I was so pissed. So pissed. So instead of studying then I just decided to wake up early to study. And so that's how its been since. That was a long rant. But I was seriously wondering why everything seemed to be against me. I should've just stayed and studied. But oh well- what's done is done. And I have to go to class now.